A moment’s reprieve. That is all but short of asking for the world.

When you have a rheumatic flare up, it can be agony! It can be torturous! Not in the sense you might think of when being in pain, but rather the limitations that this pain can bring about. The frustration at just being able to do the things you were so happily doing with ease the day before. The word ‘disabled’ comes to mind. A frightening word, and one that shouldn’t be used so lightly. I suppose that was being a little over melodramatic, but sometimes it really does feel that way. There have been days where I would struggle to even pull my clothes on, and nights where I could not sleep because the pain is keeping me up. So far I have been fortunate that my current dose of medication has been sufficient to control my flare ups. Also, when I do have flare ups I tend to recover quicker than before having started medication. That is not to say I enjoy taking my medication. It doesn’t taste foul per se, but rather I find it…unnatural. As unnatural as a knee bending in the wrong direction. After all, medication isn’t exactly the stuff of Sunday roasts nor Michelin starred meals.

These last 4 months have been a curious learning experience. I have traveled to Japan, I have served at youth camps, I have listened to numerous inspirational talks and shows in search for answers and direction in life, I have continued to work, and in the end I am still here. Hopefully wiser. As cliched as it sounds, these last 4 months have taught me to chase my dreams more and to basically just enjoy life. Very bog standard boring advice you hear all the time from the people around you. Except a lot of the times it seems like short term advice. Advice which doesn’t help you plan ahead if you intend to live longer than people expect. Honestly speaking, these last 4 months have taught me to be more pragmatic, more realistic, and to give my own future more consideration. I know that while my hands and legs can still carry me, I should pursue life’s joys like eating, travelling, meeting new people, climb mountains, do extreme sports, save the world etc.

But the most humbling thought came when you start asking yourself, what to do when my hands and legs can no longer carry me. What then? When I am writhing in pain and can barely pull my clothes on, what then…? When I can no longer work to support myself and my family, what then? What then…must I do now to protect my future when the present mind set is to borrow from one’s future to enable their current luxuries?

 

~OnlyRen

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